Many people feel attracted to others of the same gender. The feeling may be romantic or sexual, but it is there. This attraction may cause you to worry that your feelings indicate that you are gay or lesbian. These feelings may also make you wonder if you might be transgendered. Are you questioning your sexual orientation or gender identity? Do you feel like your sex and/or gender doesn’t align with your assigned sex at birth? In Western culture, we often associate feelings of romantic or sexual attraction with being either heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. However, there are many other orientations and identities beyond these three labels. There are people who do not feel sexually attracted to others of their own gender; they may identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual instead. There are also people who experience little to no sexual attractions for others of their own gender; again, they may identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual instead. There are those who experience little to no romantic attraction for others of their own gender; again, they may identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual instead. And finally there are those who experience little to no same-sex attraction but still identify as queer—regardless of whether they have romantic inclinations toward those of the same sex: queer is an umbrella term used to describe individuals whose sexual and/or romantic attractions go beyond heteronormativity (being only attracted to members of one’s own sex).
What Does “Queerness” Mean?
Queerness is a complex concept. It can be a fluid and ever-changing state of existence. Some people may identify as queer while they are in a relationship with a person of the same sex, while they are dating a person of the same sex, while they are in a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex, and even when they are in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. Queerness can mean many different things to different people. So, what do the words “queer” and “queerness” mean to you? Take a few minutes to think about this. The word “queer” originates from the word “curious.” When you are curious about other aspects of yourself and the world around you, you are queer. Being queer can mean curious about other aspects of your gender, sexual, or romantic identity. It can also mean curious about other gender identities, sexualities, and romantic identities.
Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, and Queer orientations
There are many ways to identify oneself sexually and romantically. The more you explore these options, the more you will understand how people experience themselves as sexual beings. This exploration can help you feel more connected to yourself and others. There are many ways to identify oneself romantically. The more you explore these options, the more you will understand how people experience themselves as romantic beings. This exploration can help you feel more connected to yourself and others.
Where Does Someone’s Sexual Orientation Come from?
Your sexual orientation is determined by biological factors such as your genetics and hormones, as well as environmental factors like if you had a positive or negative experience as a child. There is no way to change your sexual orientation or gender identity, but you can choose to be more open and accepting of who you are. This can help you reduce internalized homophobia or transphobia. You can also be supportive of and provide resources for other LGBTQIA+ people.
The Spectrum of Self-Discovery
As you explore your sexual and romantic orientation, you may discover that you fall outside of the categories of “heterosexual,” “homosexual,” and “bisexual.” For many people, this is a confusing and scary time. You may even feel like you are experiencing a crisis. Many people get stuck at a place on the spectrum where they feel a sense of being “wrong” or like they “don’t belong.” You are not “wrong.” No one knows exactly where they fall on the spectrum until they explore themselves as fully as they can. The important thing is to keep exploring. Keep asking yourself questions and listening to your answers. Keep engaging in self-exploration until you are as open and honest with yourself as you can be.
Finding Those with Similar Orientations and Identities
If you are in a place on the spectrum where you aren’t sure if you “belong,” you may want to ask for help finding others who experience what you are experiencing. There are many online communities that you can join and message boards that you can post on where you can ask for support from others who are also navigating their identity. One popular online community is Facebook. Facebook is a great place to meet people because you can message people who are also members of the community and they can message you back. There are also many Facebook groups you can join, such as LGBTQIA+ People of Interest.
Still Wondering? Let’s chat!
If you are feeling confused, alone, or anxious, please seek help from someone involved in health care. You can also talk to someone you trust, like a teacher, a coach, an older sister/brother, or a trusted friend’s parent. There are many services and organizations that are there to support you. You can visit the National LGBTQ center website or call the Trevor Helpline to talk to someone who is trained to help you navigate these issues and find support. If you feel like you might be in a crisis, please contact your school’s crisis hotline, your local police department, or your local suicide hotline.